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It's a
Puzzle Alright
One
morning this blonde calls her boyfriend and says "Please come over
and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure
out how to start it." Her boyfriend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The
blonde's boyfriend
Her boyfriend
figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her
place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the
puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a
moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First,
no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to
assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd
advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted
Flakes back in the box."
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The
Bodybuilder and the Blonde
A body
builder picks up a blonde at a bar and takes her home with
him.
He takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great
chest you have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite,
baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive
calves you have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite,
baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes
running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases
after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran
out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all
that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was."
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May
I have a Refill?
After many hours of
extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just
picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to
replenish his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of
milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is
still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off.
Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered
how you refilled those." |
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Daddy's
Smart Girl
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that
visibility was
almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made
her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it
home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her
situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if
she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow
to come by and follow it.
That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.
This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little
while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as
they continued and she was not having any problem with the
blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when
the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to
her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.
The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as
she had been following him for a long time. She said that
she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a
snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could
continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart
parking lot and was going over to Sears next. |
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Safe Sex
A blonde goes into
the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe
sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for
a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied,
"Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I
wondered how they kept them on." |
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Green Side Up
A painting
contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the
first room she said she would like a pale blue. The
contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened
it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she
told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it,
and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious
but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would
like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE
UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling
'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a
crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
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The Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a
child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.
"I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the
money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak
tree in the park at 7AM."
Signed,
"The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag with the cash was the following note.
"Here is your money.
I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
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Getting a
Haircut
A blonde
walked into a hair salon and sat into the barber's
chair. The barber noticed that she had headphones on her
head. The barber asked the blonde what kind of haircut
she wanted. She didn't reply, so the barber asked again.
Again no reply. Then he was getting very annoyed so he
took off her headphones. Suddenly she turned blue and
fell on the floor. He checked her pulse and she was
dead. He was wondering what was in her headphones so he
put them on. He heard: " Inhale, Exhale, Inhale,
Exhale...
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Nature Girls
Two blondes
were walking through the woods when one looked down and
said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde
looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf
tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing,
and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed
by a train.
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